Victimhood Transformation
Do you find yourself saying:
If this hadn’t happened to me, I would have…
I wanted to ____________, but…
He/she just wouldn’t let me…
These people are impacting me with their…
You’re making me…
I could have, but…
I would have, but…
Or just regularly believing the world is opposing you; others are attacking you; and/or others are in your way?
If so, you might be trapped in a victimhood mentality.
It’s not easy to recognize that you may be trapped in victimhood mentality. It takes objective self-awareness and honesty. First, if you have experienced real trauma and are a victim of a crime, this blog is not likely to be helpful and getting the psychotherapy to help you recover from the trauma is most important. If you have not had such an experience, a good indicator of victimhood mentality is if:
a) you believe the external world defines who you are,
b) you ruminate on the past regularly, and
c) you don’t have profound faith in yourself or others.
Instead of accepting personal responsibility, victimhood is believing the world is against you and tending to blame others for it. Yes, others do mess up and yes the world of 7-8 billion people is an immense challenge, but what would it feel like to say: “The blame game stops with me. I take full responsibility. I will own this.” This does not mean to self-blame! It means:
owning your part,
trying to see it through the eyes of the other(s), and
knowing you can somehow learn and grow from the experience.
Accepting personal responsibility is a huge lift out of victimhood, but it doesn’t lead to total liberation from it. You also need to change your entire perspective on life! Most of us have some shade of victimhood mentality that stems from seeking external validation and/or causation in a seemingly chaotic world. But ask yourself: Is it really a dog-eat-dog world? Do you really believe this incredible, miraculous dance of multitudes of humans and other living creatures is happening on this earth in order to dominate each other through attack and manipulation? Or is there something far greater, far more intelligent, far more unifying that is holding it all together – allowing individuation while adhering the whole through love and acceptance?
If you cannot alter your perspective away from perceiving attacks and towards seeing love, you will stay in the self-made prison of victimhood. Fortunately, you have everything you need within you to empower and liberate yourself! Instead of letting all the external things and happenings define you, You Define You through Love, Forgiveness, and Acceptance. Afterall, love, compassion and acceptance is what our soul is made of! We are only masking this sensitive essence with an egoic need to defend ourselves.
Transforming victimhood
Moving beyond victimhood is the key to happiness and it takes work to transform a victimhood mentality to a positive mindset. This isn’t fabricated positivity, although there are a lot of benefits from the “fake it til you make it” affirmations and activities. This is perceiving the purpose and essence of life as it Truly Is – a loving, compassionate, accepting Oneness. After all, why else would an omnipotent divine intelligence allow the full spectrum of good and evil if it wasn’t the most compassionate and accepting divine intelligence that sees everything as its own family?
What if you could really see others as part of the same Source as you, like another pseudopod of the same cosmic amoeba, or a fellow human doing the best they can in a sea of humanity? Then, being excessively angry at another person would be like being angry at your foot for hitting the dresser and stubbing your toe. But how do we get to that point of seeing Oneness and moving beyond victimhood and separation?
A) Trust the Universe: You need to know that Life is happening For you, not To you. It is indeed divinely orchestrated and you are not a victim in it, but a full participant.
B) Just Love and Abate the Hate: You don’t hate your foot for your stubbed toe. You love your feet! You don’t hate people. You love your brothers and sisters! You don’t hate this thing that is triggering you. You love being pressured and are excited to discover Why this thing is triggering you! Ask yourself: What do I need to learn from this experience?
C) Love the Wholeness within You: When you come to know and love your own wholeness, you step into your full power and cease giving your power away to others and to circumstance.
How whole do you feel when you are playing the victim? I know from experience that I feel like a shell of a person. Wholeness is the complete opposite of victimhood! So, how do we come to wholeness?
C1) Surrender to the present presence of you. You have within you a resilient presence that is fully capable of orchestrating your life. You just need to recognize and abide in it (see my Meditation blog for support on this).
C2) Practice radical acceptance of everything as it is. Drop all your judgy beliefs based on past perceptions and Allow. It is not your job to judge. How often is your judgement actually protecting you from harm versus how often is it limiting you? You’re not going to get a different universe to live in. Life experience is what it is! Everyone gets to be their own person! You could look at it like this: If God allows self-expression in all forms, who am I to oppose or judge it? This doesn’t have to be taken to the extreme, of course. You don’t have to be unopposed to true evil, but you can accept that evil is allowed to be in this universe because even evil beings have the light of consciousness. The best way to oppose darkness is not to fight it but to shine brighter.
Perceiving your world, not in opposition to it, but In Love with it is the key to transforming victimhood to happiness. Experiencing victimhood is a gift that shows you how uncomfortable, unnatural and unhappy it feels to look through the eyes of a victim. It takes work, but you can live your life intimately connected with your present resilient self, thrilled about life’s diversity and challenges as well as its triumphs and trusting that life is happening For you, not To you by taking personal responsibility. If you would like a partner to help you along the course of this work, contact me and I can help point the way by meeting you where you are.
